Points of View - Teenager vs. Adult

I have come to realize that there is a basic difference in how teenagers and adults view different situations.  I find this a little odd since I used to be a teenager and I don't remember having this kind of a problem but the more teenagers I deal with the more I see that it is, in fact, a pretty big chasm of misunderstanding.  I have outlined a few areas where this difference in understand seems pretty evident.

1.  Homework
Adult - Homework is necessary to reinforce skills, promote memorization as well as a good work ethic.
Teenager - it' stupid, worthless, teachers just do it because they're power hungry idiots!

2.  Chores
Adults - Chores help teach responsibility, household skills, a beginning to independence and ownership of a teens surroundings.
Teenager - it's stupid, worthless, parents just make you do them because they're power hungry idiots

3.  Dating
Adults - This is a time to go out with different people, get to know a variety, enjoy this time in your life and make good choices about who you date.
Teenager - you mean you actually might go to prison?!?!  That's so cool!!!  I think I love you even though we're only been dating for 3 hours.  Of course, I've only known you for 4 hours but we will be together forever, I promise!!  I love you so much baby!!!

4.  Grades
Adult - You need to apply yourself to your studies so you can get into a good college, get scholarships and be able to support yourself through your career
Teenager - there is plenty of time to get my grades up, I'm not a senior yet.  Grades aren't important, they don't show the real me.  Grades are an antiquated method of showing nothing and should not be used to judge my self-worth, besides, I'm gonna be a famous .... (rock star, actor, rapper, football player, skateboarder, jockey, etc)

5.  Promptness
Adult - You need to be on time.  If I say 7:00, you should be ready to go by 6:55.  When you are late you inconvenience everyone, not just yourself.
Teenager - I'm only 5 minutes late, what's your problem?!  No body's gonna care if we get to there late!  You're so uptight!

6.  Consequences
Adult - You stayed out 3 hours past curfew, you totaled the car and ran over the cat.  You are grounded for a month, no friends over, no computer, and no cell phone.  You need to learn that this kind of behavior in not acceptable
Teenager - no cell phone?!?!  are you freakin' kidding me?!?!  You are so mean!!! I hate you!!!

7.  Time of Crime
Adult - You teacher called today and told up you haven't done your homework all quarter.  This is a serious problem and it needs to change.
Teenager - this quarter is over, I turned in my homework today, the rest of that all happened over a week ago so it's no big deal.  Why are you making such a mountain out of this, it's in the past; get over it already

8.  Tone and Attitude
Adult - You need to keep the attitude out of your voice while we discuss this issue, don't take a rude tone and watch what you are saying.  How you deal in stressful situations is being learned right now while we deal with your behavior.
Teenager - you're being rude with me so I can say anything I want.  I'm angry so I get to swear at you and yell and blow up, but don't worry, I'll apologize later and then you can forget all about this...until I do it again next time.  What do you mean?  Of course "I'm sorry" fixes it.  So what if I've said it 25 times this week for the same thing, I still said it?  You just hate me.

9. Rules
Adult - We have set certain rules so you can  learn responsibility, and we can make sure you are safe and cared for.
Teenager - rules are just a parents way of trying to suck all the fun out of being a kid.  I swear, my parent must have hatched from a bod; no way they were kids once, they are so clueless!

10.  Parenting
Adult - We do not set these rules and expectations to make you miserable, we do it to help you grow, mature and take your place in adult society and find all the success and happiness we hope for you.  It is not fun and it doesn't make us feel better or powerful to enforce rules, assign consequences or lecture about the same thing over and over until it sinks in.
Teenager - blah, blah, blah.  When I'm a parent I'm gonna let my kids do anything they want and I'm not going to make them follow any rules cause rules are stupid and you have no idea what it's like to be a kid.  Just leave me alone!!  You don't care!!

Yep, it's a slippery slope and very little of it makes any sense.  The biggest hope we have is when we look at our parents and watch they snicker behind their hands as they watch us have these conversations over and over again with our kids.  It appears to be a vicious cycle, but at least someday we get to be at their point in the circle of growing. 

I'm really looking forward to that.

Ah Those Summer Nights...from my friend hat

As the weather has started to turn and I shiver my way through scrapping the car every morning, my thoughts return more and more to this past summer and all the evenings we spent just relaxing on our porches.

At Missy and Todd's place we would spend countless hours sipping on Capt and cokes while we watched the world sizzle from the heat of the day and cool into the evening hours with bright huge moons and screaming motorcycles keeping us company.  Their dog, Harley would often lay on our feet as we talked about everything and nothing.  We found solutions to personal and family problems as well as national and global issues.  We laughed at and with our kids while they squealed from the tickles or the squeezes or huffed away to ignore us after we'd teased them about romance or school or whatever they had done that had made us roll our eyes that day.  We sat in silence and listened to the night gentle push the day and it's headaches aside.  Occasionally one of the kids would join us in the philosophical discussions but for the most part they stayed inside playing music on the computer and for the most part completely ignoring those adults who are so foolish as to prefer to be outside where there is not immediate entertainment through technology.  (Yes, Missy, I know Todd and I are addicted to our phones but let's be reasonable, that's usually all we took outside)

Some night we would end up on my back porch sipping on margaritas or some other tasty concoction (well, Missy and I did, Todd just kept drinking his Capt and coke).  Back there we were isolated from the world beyond my back yard. Just good friends, lots of laughs and my cat, Wade (whom Todd likes to call Lloyd). The moon was just as glorious and the talks just as far reaching as the stars but the distractions of the street out front we left to the kids who spent hours hanging out there, as far away from the adults as they could go.  As before there was some intermixing of kids and adults but these times were brief and infrequent, which suited all of us well.

Most of these nights we unplanned or as casually discussed as possible with a simple, "U comin over 2nite?" txt or just a knock on the door and a bottle in hand as we walked through each others houses.  I think that was the best part about the whole thing, that we could and did do that to and with each other on a regular basis.  What a comfort to know that you are welcome any time and that all other activity would either stop and socializing would happen or, whoever had just invaded would pitch in and help finish whatever task was being tackled at the time.  Todd was (and is) always good for a kid distraction.  They love messing with him and my daughter especially loved his big crushing gorilla hugs and squealing in his ear.  I think he really enjoys it too although he might not admit to that. 

Sometimes we would be joined by our friend Paulie.  He was always welcome but not always available.  He joined us frequently for cocktails and conversation.  Paulie is highly animated, informed and entertaining and I still do not get to spend nearly enough time with him.  he greatly added to our enjoyment of warm summer evenings and lively conversations.

There were also some memorable evenings gathering with multiple friends to share camaraderie, laughs and a few short happy hours.  Laughter again was the goal and I think we found success.  These evenings strengthened friendships, built new ones and generally added great spice to my life.  I can only hope it did the same for those I was with.  Now that the days have grown shorter and fuller and have left us with less time and heat to enjoy porch nights, I can't help but look forward to next summer and more time laughing and loving and enjoying all of the blessings I have in my life.

Monday Morning Music - FLASH MOB

Good Morning!  I have been fascinated lately with the flash mob phenomenon so I thought I'd find a Christmas flash mob to share this morning.  Boy did I open a can of worms!  There are thousands upon thousands of flash mob videos on you tube and I have to choose just one?!  Not possible.  So I chose to share 2 of them.  One  is from the Carlson School of Management in UMN, where it seems they have been hit by flash mobs for that once, something you might want to think about when choosing a school, lol.  The other is from a website called RedefineChristmas.org.  Very sweet.  Anyway, enjoy the music and the show, I know I did.

The Power of Words

         Have you ever thought about how powerful a word can be?  Think about it, with just 1 word you can rip a person apart or sew their lives back together.  You can make sunshine out of a thunderstorm or bring on the blackest night that never ends.  Too much?  Let me give an example.   

        

Suppose you spent 3 hours getting ready to go out.  You have pampered and primped, picked the perfect outfit, spent extra time getting your hair and make up as near to perfection as possible and the image in the mirror is so stunning you can hardly believe it’s real.  You step into party/club/gathering for which you have prepared and you feel like a million bucks.  All is right with your world and you are ready to conquer Mt. Rushmore.  Then you see someone in the corner point at you and you just overhear them talking to their friend, sneering and the only word you hear is “Heifer”.  Now how do you feel?  

 Yep, words have power; a lot of power.  They have the power to heal as well though.  For example, imagine you have had the worst week of your life.  You lost your job, your car broke down, you boyfriend/girlfriend/husband or wife has confessed to cheating for the past 3 years and they no longer want to have anything to do with you and, oh yea, they have already cleared out your joint bank account so now you can't even buy a bottle to drown your sorrows.  Ok,  that is a truly crappy week, but you happen to see an old friend while you are wandering mindlessly around the block contemplating what else could possibly happen to you and the largest smile lights up their face, they open their arms and grab you in a vicious bear hug and and say, "Dude!" with all the enthusiasm of a starving man in front of a Christmas banquet.  

Words have power.

How many of us remember a cutting remark someone made 20 years ago?  How about the unexpected compliment you got that long ago as well?  That old rhyme we used about sticks and stones never really worked for me.  Words have power.

Along with words having power, words can lose power when misused.  How many of us are not even shocked when we hear the "F" bomb being dropped in daily conversation.  This used to be a highly inflammatory four letter word and now it is getting to be common place.  It is losing its power to shock and offend due to over use.  We not only accept but really expect it from some comics, musicians and others in our lives.  I have to admit there still is a large shock potential to this word.  Example?  If my daughter says it, I'm not shocked; when she's mad she drops this bomb but if my mom or dad said it?  The world would stop spinning on its axis and all life would cease.  Total and complete shock.  They still have power with that word.  They have not abused or over used it.  I am ashamed to say I have let it lose some power as well but I think I can still reclaim some of the power by refusing to let this bomb drop way too often.

Any word that has power can lose power when abused, misused or over used.  Other words with power?

Sorry
Love
Hate

What power words did I miss?

Monday Morning Music - Music Lover's Hat

I would apologize to those of you who aren't a fan of Christmas  music, but I really like it so I'm not going to, lol.  I heard this song over the weekend, not this morning, but when I heard another song by the same artist I was reminded if this one and it struck a chord so it got the nod today.  Garth Brooks is a country legend, there is no denying this fact.  Although not necessarily one of my favorites, I do appreciate many of his songs and I thought I had heard them all until I heard Belleau Woods over the weekend.  It was The Christmas Truce 1914 during our first real World War.  In the middle of this new hell there was a shining moment of hope.  I can't even imagine what it would have been like to live through such a thing, and I dearly hope fewer and fewer citizens of the world have to know this amount of fear as the years go on and hopefully our compassion and knowledge grows.

I wish for you all Peace.

Beginning My Bucket List from my Feeling a Little Older Woman's Hat

I never thought it would happen to me but, I have hit an age where I spend more time looking back and thinking, When I was younger..."  My favorite motto used to be "They can make me grow old, but they can't make me grow up" and I still hold to this as often as I can but reality and back aches conspire to tell me that growing old can be pretty lousy sometime even if you are a kid at heart.  I have heard a few references to this thing called a Bucket List and I thought to myself, "Self, maybe you should consider making a bucket list, after all, you're not getting any younger you know."  Then I'm all like, "Shut up!  I'm as young as I feel.  I don't need no stinking bucket list."  and my back's all, "Um, you may not be old, but I am, start the stupid list.", and I'm like "Shut up and get over it back, if I want to climb Mount Rushmore you're just gonna have to deal!" At which point my back spasms and I end up on the couch for a day or two.

After having a few of these arguments with my childish self I have decided I couldn't hurt and wasn't completely grown up to start a bucket list.  When you think about it, a bucket list is really just a list of things you dream about doing, which is and was a favorite past time of mine as a child so it goes along with the whole not growing up thing.  Besides, I know I wanted to blog today and I was having a hard time thinking of something to write about so.....bucket list it is.

1.  visit Ireland
           I am a little desperate to see if the greens really are greener there.  I want to tour the whiskey plants, sit in an Irish pub and see if they sing.  I want to spend a day wandering the fields looking for four leaf clovers and leprechauns.

2.  see the Grand Canyon
          I know it's completely ordinary and everyone says it but there must be a reason for that.  I have a hard time visualizing something that large and I need to see it in person.

3.  Have one of my pictures published
        I love taking pictures but a small petty part of me would like everyone or at least a lot of people to like my work as well.

4.  Get my doctorate degree
       I'm not sure what field I would pursue at this time and I won't be doing this until my daughter is out of school but I love learning so it makes sense that I would like to go as far as I can in education.

5.  Have a student come back and tell me I made a positive difference in their life
      I love my job and I think I'm pretty good at it but it would be nice to have someone come back and say they remembered something important, did something or didn't do something because I made an impact on them and they were grateful I was a part of their life.

6.  Fix all the little things in my house
     The bathroom needs remodeling, the kitchen ceiling needs fixed, a new dishwasher, a garbage disposal, tear down the garage and build a new one, the front porch steps, the list goes on but I think you get the point.

7.  see Australia and New Zealand
     I know that should count as 2 things, but really, they are so close to each other and far away from me that I'm combining them into 1 wish.  Besides, there is no way I would go to one and not the other once I have actually hopped the plane to go that far.

8.  drive across the country
     There is so much more to see, do and be amazed by when you're driving than when you're flying.  Don't get me wrong, I love to fly, but taking the time to drive cross country would give me the chance to experience the US in a way I can't from the air

9.  Be queen
     You'd have to be in the SCA or know about it to understand this one but I would like the chance to sit the throne once.  I'd hope I'd do a decent job as a monarch.

10.  learn another language
     I've always found languages hard for me to learn (I'm not really sure I understand my native language all that well) but I would like to learn Irish Gaelic and/or sign language

So, this is the start of my bucket list.  Pretty boring, mundane, everyday right now but hopefully it will get better, more creative and more fun.  Also, hopefully some of them will get accomplished.  Maybe I should start by getting my passport renewed.

What's on your bucket list?