If you read my first post then you may have noticed that while I wear many hats, "wife" is not among them. I have been single for nearly 3 years now and it was getting just a little weird arguing with myself about what channel to watch on TV or who's turn it is to do the dishes. (Although honestly I usually tell the child to do them, no matter which of me I am at the time.) In the past year or so I have started to realize I'm no longer enjoying these arguments (I cheat sometimes and bring up past issues I thought we were done with) so this past January I decided that I should give this online dating thing a try, afterall, look at all the happy couples in all those commercials! I mean, if there were any people not happy, surely they would be making commercials too, right? Right?
Naturally when I make a decision this big, I need help and the voices in my head could not agree so I went to my bestie, Missy. She did what she does best, supported my decision and started doing some research. She came up with 1 site and I made a profile. To protect the innocent and, more importantly, the guilty, I will not the actual sites we decided I should use, but most of them want the same information. Loading pictures? Not a problem. Choosing a handle? Not too bad. Talking about yourself, what you want, your perfect match and first date? Murder! Pure terror! No fun! I mean, really! What if Mr. Perfect is reading my profile and slowing falling in love with me when suddenly...WHAM!...oh look, she likes to wear her slippers around the yard and she's a CAT PERSON! Wow, I mean, I could kill the perfect relationship with just a few wrong words (to be honest, if they had a problem with me being a cat person, it wasn't going to work anyway). Shortly after joining this site and a bit more research, we decided to increase my odds of finding Mr. Perfect by joining just 1 more. Interesting side note, lots of the guys did the same thing, lol. I saw many repeated profiles.
So, I screwed up my courage, had a shot (maybe 2 before I was done), filled out the profile, tried to be clever and honest (harder than it sounds by the way) and hit the "post" or "put me under a microscope and examine all my imperfections" button and waited...and waited...and waited. Wow, after 20 minutes you'd think I'd've at least gotten a look, right? I'm wasn't expecting Mr. Perfect that fast, I could be patient and wait 2 or 3 days but really, couldn't someone look at me right away? Dang. Self-esteem started taking a nose dive. Like I need this kind of stress!
Ok, so enough dramatics. After a few months on 2 different online dating sites I have come to realize that the men on these sites (and possibly the women too, I'm not sure) fall into 1 of 4 categories.
1. Clueless
2. Nookie Minders
3. Money Honey
4. Real
1. The Clueless. These are the men who post that they are slightly over weight, have pictures that show them balding, riding their four wheelers, holding up a huge dead fish, or deer, or other previously living creature and then set specific requests in their ideal mate. Slim, attractive, stacked, has money, no kids, a 4X4. You laugh but I have actually seen each and every one of these things posted. Sad, it's just sad. If it were possible for you to get the tall, hot model type who is willing to support your icky man habits, you wouldn't need a dating service! Aiming high is one thing but let's stay in our own stratosphere, ok?!
2. Nookie Minders. These are the men who think they are being clever by making sure 69 is part of their handle. The ones who contact you quickly and within the first or second message want to know what you're wearing, your favorite position and do to have a friend. They are also usually still married but "it's just not working and we will be getting a divorce". They aren't, they just think it would be fun to add a little kink to their lives. Get your own kink on with your wife Nookie Minder.
3. The Money Honeys are the ones I didn't expect. There is a definite patter to these "boys". Their profiles all talk about wanting a soul-mate, a real connection and other gooey crap. They may talk about a dead or lost girlfriend/fiance/wife and they pain they went through but they think they just might be ready to move on and you, yes you, are the perfect miss to their mister. After one 5 minute conversation they are in love, sending kisses, can't wait to get together although they live across the state or even the country and, interesting phenomenon here, they all seem to be temporarily working in West Africa. Weird, huh? I know, very bizarre. I've had 3 contact me with the same basic story and they all work for firms in the states who sent them to West Africa. I had no idea there was so much going on there. Shortly after the pledge of undying love and commitment, there is a problem. Their internet is about to get shut off seems to be the the most highly used excuse and if you could just help them out then you could continue your online love from afar, until they get home and then the heavens will open and angels will sing. When you tell them you will not be paying for their internet connection or life saving surgery be prepared for the guilt, or just block them, it's the easiest way to get rid of the Money Honey's. Don't bother trying to report them because they will already have erased their profile because "you are the one and i don't need to look anymore". I'm sure the same pics of them they found somewhere through Google are already posted under a different name and sob story.
These 3 groups of online daters seems to make up about 98% of what is available to women my age in online dating. That leaves about 2% for the last category. The "Real"s.
4. The Reals. These are the guys who know who they are, want to meet a real person and see if they have any connection. These are the ones we want. Chat a few times, see if there are any sparks, set up a safe, in public that friends or family know about, meeting and get to know each other a bit better. These men are few and far between although
I will admit I hold out hope still. Not as much but enough to hang on to one site for just a bit longer anyway. Afterall, if I'm still looking then maybe so are they. And, it is kinda fun seeing which category each on fits into. I should've kept a score board but it probably would just depress me and when I meet "that guy" it would probably send him running for the hills before I could explain.
So ladies, if you are going to join these sites I suggest an open mind, a good sense of humor and a score board.
Luck and love to us all!
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